Perpetual Insomniac

Nothing can beat staying up until 4 each night to "study" for midterms. For some odd reason, I can't seem to concentrate. I think it might my ADHD kicking in or perhaps my nocturnal self. The nighttime is such a mysterious time. And I love mysteries.

Today was Daisy's birthday and what better place to celebrate a girls 19th birthday than to take her out to Hooters. Oh yes, we went there! Not the type of restaurant that someone would wear heels and a nice shirt to...but I did. Oops. Other than the impolite service and the buttcheeks and boobies hanging out, everything was great!

I am starting to notice some change in people though. Particularly people that I really thought would have had a big impact on my life. I get random mood swings that makes me ignore/become annoyed with people and the fact that this interferes with my conversation with them is a bad thing! There really isn't anything that I can do though. I try to stop myself but sometimes I cannot control my emotions and if I'm not treated with respect, I'm sorry, but I will not treat you with respect either.

Today is my daddy's birthday! Oh, how I wish I was there with my family, having our traditional birthday celebrations that never seem to vary from one birthday to the next. Mom baking the cake and cooking the favorite dish of the birthday person, sister and I decorating the cake, and my brother doing..well...nothing! The atmosphere is just something that I never sense anywhere else. I truly miss my family and cannot wait to see them again! But for now, my goal is to focus on my work and try to pass all of my midterms this week and the next. Wish me luck!!

My birthday is in exactly 5 days! AHHH!

The pathetic fallacy on a gloomy day

I look around the world and not a creature is stirring. I walk amongst puddles of filth and the mushy mud gets stuck to my feet. I walk deeper into the woods, hoping to find what I am looking for. The thunder roars a powerful cry and I begin to shiver in my clothes. 1...2...3...4...lightening. The storm gets closer and darkness falls upon the path. For once in my life, I begin to tremble at the sounds of thunder, close my eyes to the mystic lightening. Boom, kaboom, boom, kaboom. An explosion goes off in my mind and the thunder soon reaches me. Everything disappears, everything but the thunder, lightening, and myself. I try to run but there is no where to go. I feel the suspense, I feel the inanimate nature look down upon me. Laugh at my stupidity and challenge me more. I run, run to nowhere. I can hear the thunder hurling on behind me. Why is this happening? Why am I running? Running from the things that I used to love. I stop, and look straight up to the heavens. Why are You testing me, God? I am a helpless girl that falls in the wrong paths. Show me the path of righteousness. Show me the rays of sunshine behind the massive dark clouds.

A few seconds later, I am drenched with rain. The rain that suddenly calms me, makes me forget about my worries and makes me realize my blessings. The rain washes away my past and the thunder rolls in the opposite direction. I look all around me and memories of my past flood my mind. I break down, fall to my knees, and yell a hysteric cry. What have I made myself into? This isn't the person I am, nor the person that I ever wanted to become. I gather myself up and walk.

Not only have I forgotten about my past, but I have set new goals for myself. I feel a little jump in my heart and my stomach begins to churn. I am changed. I can't live this life full of lies. I have found my goals in my life and I am heading to them, taking first class!

A ray of sunshine perceives overhead and I know that He has been listening. A smile stretches across my face and the darkness disappears. In front of me stands a rainbow. A rainbow that is more vivid than anything I have ever seen. Now, to get to the end of the rainbow.

Cheers to the Assholes.

Every now and then, you will meet people that make a major impact on your life. People that you would have never imagined. I've learned the hard way about who these people are in my life. I am sincerely grateful to have met such amazing people! And I am SO glad that these people have changed me for the better.

I guess the blog title really does incorporate into this post. Actions indeed DO speak louder than words. Never in my life have I been so helpless and so ashamed. I have recently learned my lesson on drinking and now I have learned my lesson on the places I decide to go to. NEVER again will I go to a fraternity house. They have always been "pigs", "pussy-hungry", and "assholes" in my eyes but today asshole has been given a brand new definition.

Tricking a girl into announcing something over the microphone and then forcing her into the pool...is there even a word to describe that? The moment that I knew I was going into the pool, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Biggest idiot because I trusted a frat guy. Biggest idiot because people were laughing at me. Biggest idiot because I actually assumed something good would be coming out of this. And lastly, biggest idiot because I made my friend stand up for me and I couldn't even do that for her. She tried her hardest for them not to push me in, and then I couldn't do anything when they tried to do that to her. I honestly do not anyone that would be willing to go as far as she went. Not only did she raise in my eyes, she made me realize what kind of fucking world this is. Guys are assholes and girls are bitches. You always have to have a guard up and make sure you have eyes on the back of your head 'cause you never know what is going to happen.

I am so thankful for the friends I have, the friends I know that will always stick up for me! And I hope I will be able to return the favor in the near future. And as for the guys who think they are "macho" and "cool" because they pushed a girl in, how about you learn how to be a gentleman and RESPECT GIRLS! There will be a point in your life when you will be infected with every STI and pray for a girl that will love you, not your dick. But until then, have fun pushing helpless girls in the pool and then laugh as her reputation gets tarnished. Perhaps fuck her afterwards?

I want to know where the chivalrous men are hiding? Because I really want to see if they still exist. If you're out there, come out soon!

Anyways, CHEERS TO THE FUCKING ASSHOLES. Have a good life.