trust

Day 10:
Wow, sorry, I have lost track of time and I honestly don't even know what day this is? I'm going to assume it's day 10 because that's what I counted up.

Today, I encountered one of the toughest heartbreaks ever that I cannot even explain all of this............
Wow, I just realized how much I hate typing up my life on this.
I'm going to stick to writing with pen and paper.
Okay, bye.

The lights, the buzz

Day 6:

Never blogged from a phone before...haha I'm a little on the poetic side tonight so I guess I'll write a poem...

The stars twinkle,
so ever-lasting.
The moon gleams,
so breath taking.
My eyes gaze at the mysterious, night sky,
always keeping you in mind.
A shooting star glides across the sky,
its what we've been trying to find.
I look up, and can only think you,
Can only hope that somewhere, someplace,
You're looking up at the same sky,
Thinking only of me
: )

Goodnight and goodbye
Until furthermore,
Nitasha

Listen to your heart

Day 5:

1. My apologizes for not writing yesterday, but honestly yesterday was exceptionally boring that there was no need for me to write. 

2. Listen to your heart has to be one of the most heart-touching movies I have seen in a while. Simply, purely magical. Critics? Yes, I'm sure there's plenty of those around, but I guess I'm the girl who spots out the perfections rather than the flaws. Blame me for appreciating the beauty of love. My eyes, still swollen from crying, ache to see more and my heart desires to be felt by the love that was dispersed throughout the movie. This film has it all: love, heartbreak, laughter, pain, family, drama. There is no doubt that this movie isn't going on my top favorites list. Goes to show that life doesn't always end in a happily ever after scene.

3. Slowly, but surely, I think I'm falling for you. I know, I know - how can I? I've only seen him twice and only once when I were sober. I'm not exactly sure what part I'm falling for; either him or the fact that someone finally has diverted their full attention to me. I have been the eager type, always wanting someone there to call me their own.
I want to believe myself when I say he's different, but is he really? Or that just another facade that men like to put on? No, no it can't be. But alas, this is too good to be true. My heart and my brain are in utter disagreement and I can pick neither to follow, because both make such astounding points.
As much I want to start liking you (too late, already happened) there's a part of me that wants to keep myself disclosed, keep myself to, well...to myself. I  don't know what it is about you but you have definitely cast some sort of spell over me. And please listen when I tell you this, and listen carefully, that I'm a foolish, young girl that happens to go head over heels for guys like you. And please, just this once, prove to me that not all boys are the same. That you really ARE different, unique, and everything that I picture you to be. Don't let my hopes down, only a few more months until I'll be in Seattle again. Until then, prove yourself really worthy. 

Always, 

your moon, your starry sky,

Nitasha

LATE

Day 3:


Too tired.
Went to the gasstation.
Had "the talk" with my dad.
-same pretext as last time
Met the sexiest dentist ever.
-i'm in love
Watched Pulp Fiction

The end.


--will write more tomorrow. sorry

What you see is what you get...

Day 2:

So, today started off...we...on a very late note. I woke up around 1:05, proceeded to take a shower, and kick off my day. Wait, what day? My day was as blank as the paper before the ink scribbles its wonders on top of it; now i just need to find my pen, to add miracles to my life. 

My parents ignored me, no surprise there. Something in the back of my mind told me I should talk to my sister though, and I very much did try. I tried talking to her about Jaime but of course my brother had to interrupt. 

After about 2 hours of being awake, I decided to nap and had a wonderful dream. It was the feeling of being truly happy and just not caring about the world. I was with the man I loved and there was no one that could separate us. Then the sudden abruptness above me of my brother running up the stairs and yelling my name... "DIDI, DIDI!!!" : ) And this is why I'm still in this house. Because of my siblings love. My sister and I looked up what our astrological animals meant and I discovered that in Rooster "you get what you see" and I'm not too sure how I feel about this. What's on the outside of me is definitely not what's on the inside so I'm skeptical about this statement. But who am I to judge myself?

I finally decided to text Jaime, and he texted back. Although the conversation only has to do with stars and me, the little knot my stomach when I receive his text is one of the best feelings ever! I love unlocking my phone and wondering what this CAPS LOCK boy will write to me next...hehe. Still...no expectations. 

Now, here I am; waiting for Jaime's text, watching Pulp Fiction in the next window, and writing about my day. 

Dear Summer,

PLEASE get better!

Love,

Nitasha

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Life is like an onion; you peel back the layers and sometimes you can't help but cry

As I watch handicapped people cross the street, walk around town, or even at the mall, I can't help but feel sorry for them. No, it's not one of those pity sorries where I wish I never end up like this, it's the kind of sorry that makes me realize how thankful I should be for my life...

Growing up, mama always told me to thank God for giving up limbs that work well, giving us a roof to cover our heads, and giving us foods to fill our stomach but I took all of that for granted. Heck, I still take all of that for granted.

After watching this video and knowing the type of person this man has become, I feel like I should make an impact on people's lives. I sit here, dwell over my mistakes, and press repeat. I ask myself over and over again that why can't I learn from my mistakes the first time around?...

But this guy, who doesn't have arms, can embrace someone better than I. This guy, who doesn't have legs, can outrun me in the race against living. Definitely has me thinking about what direction I want my life to head to. And the path that I'm treading on right now just isn't cutting it.

Maybe, just maybe, it's time for a change...
life is supposed to be a journey, and journeys cannot be completed without moving around.

The days of summer

So, I've decided to make a journal entry for EVERY day this summer. Why? Simply to keep myself busy, simply to rid myself of boredom, and simply for pleasure. 
Well, let's take a ride this summer...

Day 1:
Although I've been through a lot of tough shit with my parents, never have I felt this disowned in my life. A quick glimpse at me and that's it. "What would you like to eat?" ... end of conversation. I know I've screwed up, I've screwed up a lot actually, but what else can I do? I'm a college student...on the verge of finding happiness. Trying to get somewhere in my life. I feel like I will never be able to satisfy my parents and they'll never be pleased with me. There's honestly nothing that I can, or will, do. Other than my horrendous and awkwardness with my parents, I unpacked, which actually took a lot longer than expected. I didn't realize how much stuff I had until NOW. Not even while I was packing up did I notice. But, one more box to go and I'm all situated...just like the old times.
And last, but definitely not least, this boy.

What is he to me? I don't know.
How does he feel about me? I don't know.
Does he ever want to see me again? I don't know.
... boys. What to do, what to do? I've been talking to him for a week...a little smooching here and there and it seemed like he was interested at first. Now, it's all a jumbled mess. It's like how it always is with boys...NOTHING! We've been texting non-stop for a while and all of sudden, he doesn't text me at all today. Yes, yes.."calm down, drama queen. it's just one day" but if only my heart would run the same pace as my mind. My expectations are very bleak right now and I'm not going to look forward to anything because, well, that never gets me anywhere.

And for now,
adios, hasta la vista baby, sayonara, and until next time:
Yours truly ♥