More than me.

It's funny how you say one thing and then act another. My goal was to pass all of my midterms...I think I passed two. My chemistry midterm, on the other hand, was a total failure. I don't know what to do with my life anymore! I don't know if I should give up or strive to become better. I've been on a very thin string with chemistry already and I think this midterm kind of tore me away from it. If I don't pass chemistry, I won't ever be able to get into the profession I want. Yet...what exactly is this profession? In the corner of my mind, the corner with dust and darkness, I want to become a person that the world has never seen. A person that my parents would never imagine me to become. A person that would surprise all of my friends. And especially a person that I could enjoy. Now, before the finger pointing begins, I'm not trying to say my life sucks(completely), I just always feel incomplete. There is always this little piece of me that's just floating in, oh heavens knows where it's floating. My heart wishes I could write poetry, so I could become the next Shakespeare. My heart desires I was artistic, so I could become the next Picasso. My heart has so many desires that I don't think I will fulfill even one, let alone the hundred others. What am I to do with my life? I need a path because so far, I've been traveling in tall, hazy corn fields. And that just isn't cutting it. I want a clear, cut path that tells me what the calling of my life is... Oh! how I wish that path would hurry up and present itself already.

Word of the day: best friend.
What does this word mean? Because I truly have no clue what this word means or where it originates for in myself. I am such a hopeless person that I cannot find myself a true best friend. What does this tell me about myself? Where the hell am I going with my life? I need someone there to coordinate me with my decisions, not just help me better define them. I want someone there to tell me right from wrong, not give me reasons on both sides. Ah! I can't endure this torture anymore. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be lost. I want everything in my life that I see other people having. Where is my fun? Where is my smarts? Where are my friends? Boyfriend? Family?
I don't think I can grow up any faster...