Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rewind, pause, play.

I have been struggling greatly these past fews days. Wondering about my future and how it will turn out. For as long as I can remember, I always envisioned myself with a stethoscope around my neck and that stainless, white coat draping past my knees. Yet, now that I look at how bumpy and the rocky the path actually is, I am completely stumped, at a crossroad, and contemplating which route is for me. There is a part of me that yearns to let go of my life-long dream, but an even bigger part that thinks this silly idea is perhaps just a misconception.
This is only my first year in college and I'm already on the verge of losing my sanity. I repeatedly have to keep myself in check and calm myself down. I occasionally find myself thinking of other life choices, but that's not what I want. I have never been the type of person to give up on something and start anew. I cannot let go of my childhood dreams and shatter my own destiny.
Unfortunately, I feel that more and more people are losing faith in me, just as I, myself, am losing faith in my future. My parents have begun to doubt my decisions and the choices I am currently making. My life seems like a big, black hole. Everything I love around me is being engulfed by the vicious empty space. Sooner or later, I too will fall victim to its trap.
I need to somehow escape and force myself back to reality! I need to focus on my dreams and keep those in mind ... because the horizon isn't too far from here. As long as the horizon is in sight, I shall be good to go.

For now, off to find the horizon. 

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